My life has been a series of endings and new beginnings. The endings have not all been good ones, and some of the new beginnings have been difficult. All in all, I think I’ve weathered them fairly well, although I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older, starting all over again has lost some of its appeal.
Many of my endings have not been voluntary, but have been forced on me by either the circumstances or the people in my life. I lived through a divorce and vowed I’d never again get married. But I did. After each move I made, whether across town or across the country, I swore I’d never move again. But I did. And with each new job, I promised myself that this would be the last one. But, of course, it wasn’t.
I find myself once more in the position of having acquired a new position. One of those offers you can’t refuse because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make what I want of a newly created role, to see if I’ve got the chops to make a go of it. There’s a certain amount of satisfaction in challenging myself to push the limits and show what I’m capable of. And, of course, there’s also the very real seduction of being courted for something I’d never even considered.
On the down side is the equally real awareness that this new beginning also generates an ending, this one of my choosing but still not an easy one. Because behind me I will be leaving some of the most wonderful people I’ve ever had the privilege of working with. People who have become my friends, who have shared parts of their lives with me and with whom I’ve left a piece of my heart. People who, I hope, will remember me fondly and will not regret knowing me.
Like all new beginnings, there is a certain amount of trepidation that comes with putting myself out there on the line. It’s that new kid in school syndrome, one with which I’m well acquainted but one that never becomes any easier. Change is a hard thing, no matter the cause. It ranks right up there with getting your teeth drilled at the dentist. We fight it until we give in to the inevitable, and then we begin again. And after a while, wherever we end up becomes the familiar and comfortable. Most times we don’t even notice it.
So next Monday, I’ll walk into the lobby of my new employer, put my best foot forward, and plunge into the job. But I’m thinking that this one might be the last job hop I make.
Sure, sure. Now where have I heard that before?